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Friendship is one of the soul's purest and greatest pleasures, but no matter how many friends you have, and how close you think you are to them, you probably aren't aware of the tremendous spiritual importance of true friendship and of how crucial it is to keeping your head and your soul in our neo-pagan society.
Author Hugh Black argues that it's actually spiritually dangerous to let friendships remain on the superficial level that all too many people settle for nowadays doing no more with their friends than going shopping or watching a football game together. He maintains that when you take friendship for granted and don't give it the care it deserves, you turn your back on a God-given source of spiritual vitality, joy, and comfort. But don't despair! Black shows you how to transform superficial friendships into soul-nourishing relationships, bringing them from shallowness and frivolity to a deep communion of mind and heart a communion that will become for you (and for them) a means for spiritual growth.
If you're married, you'll find here new ways to appreciate the gift God has given to you in your spouse. If you already enjoy the blessings of other mature and spiritually oriented friendships, you'll discover innumerable ways to make them richer, so that they'll approach the full, unbounded love that David had for Jonathan, that St. Francis de Sales had for St. Jane Frances de Chantal, and that Christian friends throughout the ages have enjoyed as they encounter the light of Christ that shines in the souls of other human beings.
Best of all, you'll learn how to seek friendship with God. As you discover the joys of this friendship that transcends death and as you enrich your friendships here on earth, you'll come to see how truly Black speaks when he says that no one would care to live without friends, even if he had all other good things.
- Sales Rank: #513127 in Books
- Brand: Brand: Sophia Institute Press
- Published on: 1999-08-01
- Original language: English
- Number of items: 1
- Dimensions: .48" h x 5.46" w x 8.19" l, .50 pounds
- Binding: Paperback
- 147 pages
- Used Book in Good Condition
About the Author
Hugh Black spent his life in the service of God's people, gaining fame as a pastor in Scotland and as a lecturer on homilectics in the United States. Although he was not a Catholic, the common touch and engaging insights of "The Art of Being a Good Friend" benefit catholics and non-catholics alike.
Most helpful customer reviews
27 of 28 people found the following review helpful.
Much Needed Treatment in a Fragmented and Friendless World
By Amazon Customer
Black revels in the spiritual nature of true friendship while, at the same time, cautiously warning his readers that only friendship with God will ultimately satisfy their desires for true intimacy and tender affection.
Friendship is a sweet gift from God for our good. It is "an occasion for growing in grace, for learning love, for training the heart to patience and faith, and for knowing the joy of humble service" (p. 29). God uses our friendships to help us evaluate our own profession.
Black also proves that friendships can ennoble us and lift us higher than we would be if left to ourselves. Not only do they call us to loyalty and commitment to one another, they also are a help against temptation, providing positive peer pressure to keep us from the embarrassment and humiliation that comes from letting our friends down through our own personal sin.
But this all comes at a price and with a risk. However, the alternative is even worse.
Black is realistic in his assessment of how friendships are made and kept. He admits that friendships can't be forced. He also readily concludes that almost all friendships are unbalanced--usually one partner gives more than the other. But this should not keep us from forming friendships, because the real joy of friendship is in giving, not getting.
Black continually emphasizes that relationships demand much care, nurture, time, and attention. He notes that the reason that many of us have few friendships is that we are not willing to put in the time or effort. " We would like to get the good of our friends without burdening ourselves with any responsibility about keeping them friends" (p. 22). In order to prevent our friendships from dying due to neglect, we must pay attention to small details and learn to love our friend in big and little things alike--since life consists primarily of little things!
Throughout the book, Black emphasizes certain qualities that sustain a friendship. For example, friends should be honest and not flatterers. However, their candidness should always spring from a sympathetic and understanding heart. Friends must also be patient and forbearing with one another. No one can hurt us more than our friends.
Ultimately, human friendship is limited. No matter how much we long to give ourselves to others, there always remains an aspect of ourselves that we cannot give away, if for no other reason, because we do not understand ourselves well enough to do so in the first place. As much as we fill our lives with others, we ultimately remain a distinct and separate life.
Ultimately, all human companionship is fragmentary and partial. Human friendship is meant to lead to friendship with God. Human friendship is a valuable and sweet gift and is able to ennoble and elevate the soul, but ultimately, it is a reminder that only God can truly fill the human heart.
This is a great God-centered book on friendship--its ups, downs, limitations, and joys.
5 of 6 people found the following review helpful.
An excellent book on friendship in today's age
By jandries
This is a book about realizing and cultivating true friendships. It's impressively thorough, meaning it's not just fluff. It describes various types of "friendships" - from acquaintance, other types of relationships to true friendship. It offers much insight into such topics as cultivating friendships and using discernment when choosing friends. In today's age of "friendship" this book demonstrates the benefits of true friendship and examines how to be a true friend. It distinguishes between one-sided friendships, using people, what can ruin friendships, and the limitations of friendship.
I really like the book. It does warn about being cynical about the possibility of true friendship, which is another way I can benefit from this book. One of my pet peeves is facebook and "friends". I do not take the word "friend" lightly and you cannot convince me that someone has over five hundred friends on facebook. The majority of these five hundred friends most likely are not true friends. (How can you even cultivate and maintain over five hundred true friendships?!).
That is why this book is so valuable in today's age. This book delves deep into the concept of true friendships and, in my opinion, facebook just serves to erode the concept of friendship. Maybe, this is part of being cynical, but with facebook being the huge social network it is, what are people really learning about friendship? I have to also note, this book was written well before facebook came into existence. I wonder what the author would say about facebook.
Sophia Institute Press sent me a complimentary copy of this book for me to review. This in no way influenced my review.
16 of 17 people found the following review helpful.
A Truly Valuable Book
By Susan B. Robinson
This is not a primer on how to develop friendships in several easy steps. It is a book that genuinely speaks of the quality, intention, and benefit of friendship deeply rooted, and established in the love of God in Christ, who is the author and perfector of the divine friendship between God and man. Our earthly friendships point us to God, and our friendship with God teaches us how to love those we call our friends. Truly, in this context we can bring out the best in our friends and ourselves. An excellent read and I recommend highly it without reservation.
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